


If You Don't Love Me

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 19:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Giving up everything you are for the one you love is hard, especially when you begin to think maybe the things you gave up were the reason they fell for you in the first place.





	If You Don't Love Me

The sound of the rain lightly spattering against the windowpane of the motel mixed with the gentle snoring, emanating from you as you slept beside him, were the only sounds in the dingy room. He had been a fool to think this would be easy. Truth was this whole thing was so much harder than he had ever anticipated. Rolling onto his side the bed springs creaked and his eyes ran over your face drinking in every detail, just as he had every night since he had given everything up to be here with you. 

Walking away from his angelic powers had seemed like a no-brainer at the time. He would rather spend one lifetime with you by his side than exist throughout an eternity without you. Chuck had tried to tell him, warn him but he had just got angry, had a temper tantrum like a petulant child. Claimed that he had looked at this from every angle and he could do this, your love was strong enough to do this. There were times where he wished he had listened to his father. Not that he would have changed his decision, just maybe he’d have been more prepared. The emotions, the exhaustion, the need for actual currency to acquire things. Gone were the days where he could impress you with a trip to Paris, he couldn’t even afford a burger. He couldn’t hunt as well as he had thought he’d be able to, couldn’t heal you when you got hurt. He’d tried getting a steady job but without a social security number and any proof of who he was, it was difficult. 

The cold harsh reality of reality hit him smack in the face on a daily basis. He had promised you so much and failed to deliver anything. Back when you’d first met he had pulled out all the stops, determined to win you over and, thanks to his persistence, he’d eventually managed it. Holding you in his arms he had promised to be the one to make all your dreams come true. Another broken promise hanging over the two of you as yet another reminder of how pathetic he truly was. It was a struggle. He’d had grand plans of you getting your own place together but everything was so damned expensive so you’d stayed at the bunker, Dean yet again providing for you when he couldn’t. He knew you were brave, so much braver than him, but you deserved better. He had been an idiot for thinking he could be that for you.

Laying there, in a motel room that Dean had paid for, he wondered if this was as good as life was gonna get. Each time he looked in the mirror he recognised the person staring back at him less and less. He felt like he was a total stranger and that scared the crap out of him because if he couldn’t see himself anymore then how could you? How could you love this broken shadow of a man when you had initially fallen for the confident, powerful archangel? The fear of losing you on top of everything else was eating away at him and he couldn’t shake the feeling that your leaving was inevitable. You would come to resent him and his struggle to embrace this ‘becoming human’ and that broke his heart over and over again each time he looked at you. 

Something woke you. You weren’t sure what but as you reached out for Gabriel your hand met a cold, empty bed and you sat bolt upright, a frown on your face as you squinted in the dark. Sitting hunched over the crappy Formica table, hands wrapped around a cheap mug, which smelled like it was filled with some even cheaper coffee, sat your boyfriend. He didn’t turn to look at you as he broke the silence. “I ain’t got the winning ticket here sugar. Not the one that’s gonna pull us through. Maybe you should be with Dean.” His voice cracked. He was so scared you were gonna agree with him, that this really was the end and then without you, he would truly be lost. You were the one thing he was holding onto for dear life but he knew that was the selfish thing to do. 

Padding over to him, your bare feet scratched by the rank motel carpet, you placed yourself in his lap. Carding your fingers through his hair your eyes searched his face, trying to understand what the hell he was thinking. He relaxed beneath your touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he waited for something, he wasn’t even sure what. He didn’t care right then if you still loved him, he just needed you to make him believe you did. Everything could go to hell in a handcart just as long as you could convince him that you still loved him as much as you ever had. He felt your warm breath fan over his cheek as you leaned forward and then your soft lips ghosted over his. Gripping you tightly to him, he rested his forehead against yours and, opening his eyes, smiled sadly. Your eyes met with the beautiful whiskey colour which you had noticed recently had lost its spark. “I love you Gabriel.” You said, your tone level and full of surety and in that moment that was enough for him to believe.


End file.
